A Sticky Situation

I try to see the funny side

Been trying now for days

But how to put a spin on this

That's fun. There are no ways.

What started as an itch, then soon

Became more of a pain

And I don't mean 'in the neck' type

No, the kind that's such a drain.

I thought I was quite good

At spotting symptoms. Turns out not!

A string of insect bites? "Errr, no

That isn't what you've got"

So "take these horse pills, go and rest 

Yes put your life on hold. 

You won't want to do anything

In any case", you're told 

Ok, I might exaggerate. 

It wasn't said like that.

But that's the cruel reality

When shingles knocks you flat.

Don't shower (it will make you cry)

Wear a bra? Pah! Just forget it.

Nice clothes? No point. Don't even try.

Or do, but you'll regret it.

So how to be creative 

Get my boobs strapped into place

And off the painful blisters

Without underwires and lace!

I had heard young girls resort to

Strips of double-sided tape

To secure their most revealing 

Haute couture and stop the 'gape' 

Well the best that I could find

Was stretchy fabric plaster roll 

But that's ok, It's hypo....

allergenic after all.

Several long strips later

My 50+ year old two 'boulders'

Are hoicked and now secured 

In the direction of my shoulders! 

Success, I thought, yes that will do

I'll chuck on something baggy

At least the shingles pain was eased and my spirits now less saggy! 

What I failed to take into account?

The effects of gravity on plaster

Such that just a few short hours on

A different disaster.

Now snail trails of sticky stuff

From collar bone, to teat

And a T-shirt once so loose now stuck

To skin in fetching pleats!

Another trial to sort now

How to deal with glue eviction.

And still my bloomin' chest bumps

Are back to causing friction.

I give up! Whilst it's funny

And I tried to make the best

Today I'm staying put in bed

To flop and read and rest.